“Gotta take a little time,
Little time to look around me.
I’ve got nowhere left to hide,
Looks like love has finally found me.”
—Foreigner, I Want To Know What Love Is
If what we believe about sex is a reflection of what we believe about God, and sex is a gift given by a good Gift-Giver, then there are at least three decisions we need to make in light of that reality.
Three Life-Changing Decisions:
1. Receive God’s grace for your SEXUAL PAST.
I want every student, young adult, single man and woman, every married person and every senior adult to read these words: because of Jesus, our sexual failures, mistakes and sin can be forgiven and forgotten by God. His grace is enough.
When David committed his sin with Bathsheba and was confronted about that sin by the prophet Nathan, He was overwhelmed with guilt and shame. But Nathan quickly spoke these words of hope to him:
The Lord has taken away your sin… —2 Samuel 12:13 NCV
If that was true for David, how much more can this become a reality for those of us living on this side of the cross?
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 contains an incredible promise for every person who has failed or faltered in this area.
Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed [you were washed – NIV]; you were made holy [you were sanctified – NIV]; you were made right with God [you were justified – NIV] by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
—1 Cor 6:9-11 NLT
Regardless of your sexual past, you can be “cleansed, washed, made holy and justified by calling on the name of Jesus!”
Receive God’s grace for your sexual past!
What if every person reading this post asked God for a clean slate when it comes to our sexual past? What if we repented of our sin and said, “God, today I receive your forgiveness and grace?”
What if married people made a commitment to stop toying with the possibility of becoming sexually involved with someone who isn’t their spouse?
What if individuals struggling with same-sex attraction and desire made a decision to honor God with this aspect of their lives?
What if A2 Church and every local church became a place where singleness was honored and valued and sexual purity became a realistic option made possible by the power of the Holy Spirit and the sustaining power of the Word of God?
What if married couples recommitted themselves to maximizing their marriages in regard to their sexual relationship with one another?
What if children grew up knowing what God’s Word has to say about human sexuality instead of having their values shaped by peers and culture at large?
I firmly believe God wants every church to become an oasis of sexual sanity and healing in the middle of a sex-crazed, dazed and confused world.
2. TRUST God to meet your deepest longings
for INTIMACY.
We’re all after what Adam and Eve experienced in the garden of delight. Whether we know it or not, we all long for a “naked and unashamed” kind of life and experience. We all want to “know and be fully known.”
“Our body cries out for sex, because our soul cries out for intimacy.”
When Jesus met the woman at the well, He said to her, “…whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. [In fact], the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)
The woman looked back at Jesus and said, “Sir, give me this water so I will never be thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (John 4:15)
Jesus said, “Okay… Go get your husband and come back.” (v 16)
The woman likely hesitated, but replied, “I don’t have a husband…” (v 17)
Jesus: “That’s nicely put: ‘I have no husband.’ You’ve had five husbands and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband…” (v 18)
Have you ever asked yourself, why did Jesus immediately put a spotlight on this woman’s romantic life the moment she asked for living water? Why, when this woman asked for something real and lasting, did Jesus bring up her sex life and how she had built and centered her life around men?
I believe Jesus was letting her and us know: “You’ve been looking for living water in romance. You’ve been looking for intimacy, fulfillment, belonging, satisfaction, meaning and happiness in the arms of a man. But unless you center your life around me… Unless you make me your one true love, you’ll never find what you’re looking for…”
“If you fail to center your life around me, you’ll either end up being too desperate for love — putting all your hopes, dreams and attempts at intimacy in finding the right person or experiencing the right kind of hook up… You’ll be so desperate for love and acceptance, that if you do get married, you’ll suffocate the person you’re married to with expectations they can’t possibly meet or fulfill…”
“Or, you’ll be so afraid of the possibility of love, romance, sex, intimacy and marriage, that you’ll avoid it and likely become jaded and cynical about it…” [1]
These are just a few of the ways our attempts at love get derailed and sidelined when we fail to center our lives in Christ and receive our identity from who He is and who He has made us to be.
Lasting and meaningful intimacy with people gets strengthened and can be sustained by lasting and meaningful intimacy with Jesus.
That’s not an indication that Christians automatically experience intimate friendships, great marriages or fulfilling sex lives. Relationships still take work. But, lasting and meaningful intimacy with people seems to flow more easily and naturally through the lives of those who have a lasting and intimate relationship with Jesus.
The only person who can bear the weight of our love and depth of our intimacy is Jesus.
What is the main purpose of sex?
Biblically, the main purpose of sex isn’t pleasure or reproduction. It’s intimacy. The Bible repeatedly uses this kind of language, “…the two will become one flesh…” (Mark 10:8; Mt 19:5-6; Gen 2:24)
Tim Keller makes another incredible statement in The Meaning of Marriage. Maybe you’re starting to see why this is my absolute favorite marriage book of all time.
“The ecstasy and joy of sex was invented by God to give us a foretaste of the intimacy and closeness we will experience when we finally see God face to face and enter into full union with him, and into union with everyone else that loves him.”
—Tim Keller [2]
Wow!
This is why the Christian understanding that sex is something God has reserved exclusively for the covenant of a marriage between a man and a woman isn’t just narrow-mindedness, prudishness or moralism.
If sexuality is a reflection of our relationship with God, you can’t have intimacy with God without giving up your right to independence. In a very real way, even God couldn’t experience intimacy with us without giving up His independence.
Maybe you’re thinking: “Wait a second, Chris. What do you mean, God couldn’t experience intimacy with us without giving up His independence? When did God give up His independence?”
First, at the incarnation. God traveled the path of the birth canal and was born as a baby in a Bethlehem barn. He actually became human.
Then, on the cross. During His crucifixion, He became weak and vulnerable.
Through the incarnation and on the cross, God basically got down on His knees and He spread out His arms and said, “Will you make me the center of your life? It’s the only way you’ll ever experience true intimacy.”
“Will you make me the center of your life?” —Jesus
Can you see the practical implications of what God did?
If God Himself couldn’t become intimate with us without giving up His independence, we shouldn’t think for a second that we can become intimate with someone else without making a sacrificial commitment and entering into a covenant where we willingly give up our independence.
“You will call me ‘my husband’… I will make you
my wife forever…” —God
There’s an Old Testament book that contains one of the most powerful statements in all of Scripture. God is speaking through the Prophet Hosea to His people and He describes the intensity of His desire for intimacy and “oneness” with His people.
Whether you’re married or single, I want to ask you to read these words and reflect on the God who loves you like this.
The words appear in the book of Hosea. God says the following:
“In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’…”
— Hosea 2:16 NIV’84
“I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. 20I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as LORD.” — Hosea 2:19 NLT
Those words are beautiful!
God basically says to every one of us who are willing to receive it, “Regardless of what you have known in this life… Regardless of what your relational experiences have been… Whether you’ve felt deeply desired or never really desired at all… Hear me: I will make you my wife…”
Some of us, particularly men, have a difficult time absorbing this because we can’t get past that as men, we are “the husband,” not “the wife.”
This is a metaphor. God is comparing His love for us to the love of a husband for His much beloved wife. And God says, “There is a real relationship of such breathtaking and awe-inspiring intimacy that you can’t even begin to imagine what I have in store for you! You think you know me? You think we’re close… Oh, we are… But you ain’t seen nothing yet… I will make you mine”
There is coming a day when you will live every moment knowing to the core of your being that God says, “I choose you!”
“I choose you.” —God
There is coming a day when we will spend every moment with the one who knows us completely and loves us unconditionally and without reservation!
Perhaps, you’ve been hurt by someone in this life?
The day is coming when God Himself will wipe away every tear from your eyes and fill you so completely with His presence and love that you will be incapable of producing any tears again, except tears that are the overflow of your deepest joy!
Read those words one more time. God says,
“I will make you mine. I choose you.”
That’s your future, if you will simply say “Yes!” to the invitation of God.
Jesus says, “Make me your one true love. Center your life and love in me… On the cross, I stretched out my arms to propose to you. Will you center your life in me?”
The first two life-changing decisions are:
- Receive God’s grace for your SEXUAL PAST.
- TRUST God to meet your deepest longings for INTIMACY.
The third flows naturally from the first two.
3. HONOR GOD with SEX and your SEXUALITY.
When you know and understand how deeply loved you are by God…
When you trust Him to meet your deepest longings for intimacy…
Then, you are free and empowered to honor Him with this very important aspect of your life. Paul described it like this in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. (I’ll create my own personal paraphrase drawing on several translations.)
Don’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the temple of the Holy Spirit. He lives in you and was given to you by God? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. You don’t belong to yourself, for God bought you with a price. So honor God with your body. Let people see God in and through your body.
—1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (My Personal Paraphrase)
Which of these decisions do you need to make today?
- Do you need to receive God’s grace for your sexual past?
- Do you need to begin to trust God to meet your deepest longings for intimacy?
- Do you need to begin honoring God with sex and your sexuality?
God is ready and willing to meet you right where you are today. Why not trust Him?
[1] Tim Keller shared this thought in a message titled, Sexuality and Christian Hope, Episode 571 on the Gospel In Life podcast.
[2] Tim Keller quoted in a msg by J.D. Greear — https://www.preaching.com/sermons/sex-mystery-6-of-6/