Foreigner is a British-American rock band featuring British guitarist and songwriter, Mick Jones and American lead vocalist, Lou Gram. They had a string of hits in the late 70’s and even into the early 90’s.
“I Want To Know What Love Is” is the band’s biggest single. Released in 1984, it became an international hit.
Guitarist, Mick Jones wrote the song and believes it was a gift from God. He actually felt like he wrote a spiritual, almost “gospel” song.
Mick recalls playing the song for the first time to Ahmet Ertegun, founder and head of Atlantic Records at the time. Jones said, “I took him into the studio, and we just sat there in two chairs. I put the song on. Halfway thru, I looked over…and there were tears coming out of his eyes… By the end of the song, we were both crying.” [1]
The original version features a full gospel choir — the New Jersey Mass Choir. Many believe that while the song could describe a romantic relationship, it’s really a prayer for God to show the singer the nature and reality of real love.
“I wanna know what love is,
I want you to show me.
I wanna feel what love is,
I know you can show me.“
Maybe the reason this song has stood the test of almost four decades is because deep down we all want to know what love is. Unfortunately, in 2021 love often gets associated with and equated to sex.
Sex is everywhere — from the internet, to magazines, Netflix, HBO Max, music, books and even politics. Our country is saturated with it.
According to The Guardian, online pornography generates somewhere between $9 billion and $97 billion a year. They write that a conservative estimate is probably $15 billion, which means it’s not only bigger than Netflix ($11.7b), but Hollywood as a whole ($13.3b). [2]
Incredibly, despite the proliferation and constant bombardment of all things sexual, the number of adults and even teens in the US actually having sex is trending down. In fact, two years ago The Washington Post featured an article with this headline: The share of Americans not having sex has reached a record high. [3]
So, in the words of Salt-N-Pepa, “let’s talk about sex.”
Reading this blog are students who are being confronted with aspects of and ideas about sex and sexuality that some us have never entertained.
Parents are quickly losing influence on this important topic to things like YouTube, TikTok and social media influencers, and desperately need wisdom when it comes to the freedom they give younger adolescents regarding the use of smart phones and access to the internet.
There are singles reading who are dating and attempting to honor God with this important aspect of their personhood. Their struggle is real.
There are married couples reading who argue about sex more than they enjoy it.
There are far too many reading who have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse or assault and now carry wounds and scars that make the thought of meaningful sexual intimacy an impossible dream.
There are those reading who thought that their newfound “freedom” to experiment sexually would lead to more fulfillment, pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment, but instead it has made them lonelier and more emotionally fragile than ever.
Then, there is the constant and growing barrage of additions, edits and remakes to the sexual alphabet — LGBTQQIA+ — who knows when the list will end.
Confusion is rampant when it comes to this subject.
Unfortunately, the church doesn’t talk about this subject very often. When we do, our communication often boils down to two words: “No!” and “Don’t!”
In this series of posts, we’re going to talk about it. We’ll begin with this guiding principle.
A Guiding Principle:
What we believe about sex is a reflection of what we believe about God.
Obviously, this principle not only relates to sex and sexuality, it relates to everything and anything in our lives. For instance, what we believe about money is a reflection of what we really believe about God. I could go on and on. But this principle matters.
Our attitudes and actions when it comes to sex and sexuality are a direct reflection of our attitude towards God and the actions we believe will honor Him.
Over the next two posts, I want to deal with three distorted viewpoints regarding sex and sexuality.
Three Distorted Viewpoints on Sex and Sexuality:
1. Sex is “god.”
This seems to be the dominant viewpoint of current culture. Sex is god. It’s an altar at which we worship.
In this viewpoint, sex defines our identity. For instance, in 2021 it’s really common for people to identify themselves like this: “I’m gay… I’m bi… I’m straight… I’m trans… I’m non-binary…” Again, the alphabet is expanding on a regular basis. And, the expanding alphabet isn’t producing more clarity. It’s creating more confusion.
While sex is a powerful and important aspect of who we are, it was never intended to define our identity. It’s not who we are. It’s not who I am and it’s now who you are.
But when sex becomes god, it consumes our energy and attention, it dictates our actions and it becomes a dominant and controlling aspect of our identity. It starts to define our personhood.
This has been a problem for centuries. For instance, in the book of Romans, Paul described a group of people who made a “god” out of sex and sexuality. He wrote this in Romans 1:25.
25 They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. —Romans 1:25 NLT
The Message renders that passage as follows:
…they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made them… —Romans 1:25 MSG
A definition for idolatry is the worship of anyone or anything other than the God of the Bible.
I’ve written about this before. Idolatry doesn’t always involve bad or evil things. Idolatry can occur when a “good” thing (like sex) becomes a “god” thing! In other words, when it gains a controlling influence in your life.
Idolatry can occur when a “good” thing, like sex,
becomes a “god” thing.
In Philippians 3:9 Paul described a group of people who worshipped their “stomach as their god.” In 2021, it appears that our god has just moved slightly south. But that’s exactly what we’re doing when it comes to sex. It has become the altar at which we worship.
Author, pastor and counselor, Paul Tripp nails it when he writes:
“One of the places where I most powerfully and practically reveal what truly rules my heart is in sex. My sex life will be shaped and directed by whatever is my street-level master.” —Paul Tripp, Sex and Money [4]
Here’s the problem when it comes to making sex an object of worship. It’s the same problem with idolatry of any kind. Philosopher, Andy Crouch described that problem like this:
“All idols begin by offering great things for a very small price. All idols then fail, more and more consistently, to deliver on their original promises, while ratcheting up their demands… …idols ask for more and more, while giving less and less, until eventually they demand everything and give nothing.” ―Andy Crouch, Playing God [5]
That’s happening right now when it comes to sex!
It’s interesting that as our culture has become more and more sexually active, we’ve also become less and less sexually fulfilled. Our culture has unprecedented sexual freedom, but that supposed freedom has led to unprecedented sexual disappointment.
Why all the disappointment? Because, in the words of Andy Crouch, when you make an idol out of anything…
“…idols ask for more and more, while giving less and less, until eventually they demand everything and
give nothing.” ―Andy Crouch
Sex is god is the first distorted viewpoint regarding sex we have to overcome if we’re ever going to become healthy and whole in the areas of sex and sexuality.
Sex isn’t god. It can’t hold up under the weight of our worship.
In the next post, we’ll cover the second distorted view point.
Has sex or your sexuality become an “idol” in your life? Have you unintentionally turned a very “good” into a “God” thing? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any tendencies in you that have made too much out of sex and sexuality. Now, receive God’s grace that frees us from our chains and shame of our past.
[1] https://www.songfacts.com/facts/foreigner/i-want-to-know-what-love-is
[2] https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/dec/30/internet-porn-says-more-about-ourselves-than-technology
[3] https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/
[4] Paul Tripp, Sex and Money: Pleasure That Leave You Empty and Grace That Satisfies, Location 1167, Kindle Edition
[5] Andy Crouch, Playing God: Redeeming the Gift of Power, p 56