Three Types of People You Will Regularly Deal With
There are THREE TYPES of people in the world.
According to Dr. Henry Cloud in his excellent book, Necessary Endings, there are THREE TYPES of people you will regularly interact or deal with.
While your response to each begins with who you are — that’s your CHARACTER — your interaction must also necessarily take into account the KIND of PERSON you’re dealing with.
- WISE PEOPLE
Wise doesn’t necessarily mean the smartest, brightest, or most talented.
When TRUTH presents itself, the wise person sees the light, takes it in,
and MAKES ADJUSTMENTS.
That’s one of the chief characteristics of wise people.
The wise person is open to feedback. They value it. They make adjustments.
Wise people are the kind of people you want to spend time with, invest in, and interact with. They’re the kind of friends and team members who will bring a “return on the investment” and add value to your life, your church, or your company.
“Walk with the wise and become wise…” —Proverbs 13:20 NLT
- FOOLISH PEOPLE.
The foolish person REJECTS feedback, RESISTS it, explains it away, and does NOTHING to adjust to it or meet its requirements. After all, He or she is NEVER wrong. Someone else always is.
The fool tries to ADJUST the TRUTH so he doesn’t have to ADJUST TO IT.
According to Cloud, if you’re interacting with a foolish person, provide them with limits that stop the collateral damage of their refusal to change.
And, when appropriate or necessary, for instance, if they’re a part of the team or church you’re leading, you may have to institute CONSEQUENCES that will cause them to feel the pain of their choice not to listen.
Unfortunately, some people don’t change when they see the light, but only when they feel the heat.
Correction and consequences are never easy, but when they flow out of your love for the person and the group, team, church or family you’re leading, they’re essential.
“It’s better to be corrected openly if it stems from hidden love. 6 You can trust a friend who wounds you with his honesty, but your enemy’s pretended flattery comes from insincerity.”
—Proverbs 27:5-6 TPT
- EVIL PEOPLE.
The reality of life in this broken world is that some people will HURT you because they want to.
There are some people whose desire is to HURT others, to create CHAOS, to initiate a CRISIS, or keep one constantly going.
When it comes to dealing with EVIL PEOPLE, Cloud writes, “…you have to protect yourself with lawyers, guns, and money.”
In other words, don’t HOPE for the EVIL person to change. They won’t. Read those two words again: THEY WON’T.
Stay away from them. Period.
When necessary, use your lawyers, law enforcement (that’s the ‘guns’ part), and your financial resources to make sure you will NOT BE HURT by someone who is trying to destroy you or the things that matter to you.
“Good people stay away from evil. By watching what they do, they protect their lives.” —Proverbs 16:17 NCV
Those are the three types of people you’ll regularly encounter: WISE, FOOLISH, and EVIL people.
How should you interact with each?
You should:
1) TALK to WISE people about PROBLEMS or CHALLENGES. Remember, they’re always open to feedback.
2) TALK to FOOLS about CONSEQUENCES and LIMIT their influence and ability to create collateral damage.
3) NOT TALK to EVIL people at all, PERIOD.
Confession. Unfortunately, as a person and a pastor, I’ve often followed the exact opposite of Cloud’s advice.
I failed to give wise people FEEDBACK, OPPORTUNITY, and INFLUENCE in my life.
I invested way too much time and gave way too much influence to FOOLISH people who regularly created collateral damage. In doing so, I also became foolish.
And, due to my unwillingness to see and label the evil intentions of an evil person, I allowed far too many to have significant access to my life, mind, heart, relational world, and sphere of leadership where they created significant damage in every arena I gave them access to.
These days I’m learning that love and grace also have a backbone.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
And, make the necessary adjustments.
Thanks to Dr. Henry Cloud and his book, Necessary Endings, for the insights. I highly recommend his book.