“I’ve seen enough. I’ve had enough. Let me out of here!”
The death of megachurch pastor Darrin Patrick officially ruled a suicide:
STATEMENT FROM SEACOAST CHURCH ON CIRCUMSTANCES OF DARRIN PATRICK’S PASSING
https://www.seacoast.org/statement-seacoast-church-circumstances-darrin-patricks-passing/
I originally posted the following prayer on May 8, 2020. I took it down a few days later when I learned that the cause of Darrin Patrick’s death was yet unconfirmed, and I did not want to unintentionally spread misinformation. On May 7, the Medical Examiner’s Office ruled the passing of Pastor Darrin Patrick was indeed suicide.
Reading the statement, letters and watching a video posted by pastors of Seacoast Church broke my heart once again for this man, his family, friends, this church and ALL OF THOSE who have or continue to struggle with depression, mental health and thoughts of suicide. While I originally wrote this post regarding PASTORS, there are aspects that relate to ANYONE.
If you are struggling, I encourage you to reach out today. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. The Birmingham Anxiety and Trauma Therapy Center can be reached at 205-807-5372 or info@batthelp.com. Reach out today.
THOUGHTS + A PRAYER ON DEPRESSION, MENTAL HEALTH + SUICIDE
Father, here I am again… Today has been such a tough one. I’m worn out and exhausted…I NEED YOU — now more than ever…The weight of everything going on in our world is pressing down upon us making it harder for us to BREATHE, to HOPE, to LIVE, to…BELIEVE…that there is a future bigger and better than the pain, loss, insecurity and heartbreak of this moment…Tonight, as I’m getting ready for sleep, I just read of yet another PASTOR who has prematurely ended his one and only precious, beautiful and wild life, leaving behind a wife and four children.
Oh, God… Oh, God… Please have mercy…. Please care for this grieving family…A few years ago, I heard Darrin preach. I’ve listened to his sermons on podcasts, read his blogs and books… He was bold, biblical, relevant and relatable. From all outward appearances, even after coming through a very difficult season of rebuilding and restoration, he seemed to have it all together… Until he didn’t…UNTIL HE DIDN’T… Until, in one brief moment, when checking out of the hell of this moment seemed so much more reasonable than pressing ahead or pushing through…A bullet was loaded into the chamber…A family was shattered. A wife became a widow. Children became fatherless.
Satan sneered…Angels wept…A LIFE ended…YOU were there in those last moments…YOU never left Darrin’s side…YOU whispered help…YOU held out hope…But somehow the DRUMBEAT of DESPAIR pounded louder than the still, small whisper of Your voice…Father, just a few days ago I read the passage in Numbers 11 where Moses felt completely overwhelmed by the weight of leadership. In desperation he cried out to You, “If this is how you intend to treat me, do me a favor and kill me. I’ve SEEN enough; I’ve HAD enough. LET ME OUT OF HERE” (Numbers 11:15).At some point, every person who takes ministry seriously has probably felt like this… “I’ve SEEN enough. I’ve HAD enough… Let me out… I’m done… I can’t take this anymore.”
We’ve all felt the gap between our own insecurities and the expectations that are sometimes unknowingly placed upon us… The gap between our weaknesses and what it will actually take to do the job… The gap between who we are and who we know we SHOULD BE and COULD BE… The gap between our desperate need for unconditional love and acceptance and the voices that shout to us, especially in moments of silence, that we are unworthy and unloved…Father, this isn’t just a “PASTOR” thing, it’s a “PEOPLE” THING… We all feel this to one degree or another, but, for some reason, this does seem to be especially true of pastors and / or leaders…Oh, God… Oh, God… Please have mercy…What’s so heartbreaking about this is that we often KNOW the ANSWERS to the very questions that drive us to despair… We even BELIEVE those answers… But sometimes the illness in our minds causes us to forget, especially when the death grip of despair wraps its bony fingers around our necks, choking hope, faith and life out of us…
Recently I read of the growing epidemic of “deaths of despair” in America. Deaths brought on by the isolation, uncertainty and economic calamity of the current crisis. But long before Covid-19, our culture was reeling with both known and unknown DEATHS of DESPAIR…Paul once said, “I’ve fought a good fight…” Now people are basically saying, “I just don’t feel like fighting any more…””I finished the race…” Far too many people are making the decision that they just can’t run anymore… They’re emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally exhausted. “I’ve remained faithful…” Finishing FAITHFUL seems like a pipe dream for far too many Christian leaders today. Oh, God, please help us to CRY OUT to You…To COME to You…To RECEIVE from You — the hope and help only You can offer.
Help us to hear the invitation of Jesus in Matthew 11:28.”Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” —Matt 11:28 MSG
So many are tired…So many are worn out…So many are weary…So many are burnt out with religious performances…Help us to REST in YOU and the GRACE you offer…Help us to WALK with YOU, remembering that RELATIONSHIP comes before work.Help us WORK with YOU, remembering that ministry and leadership born out of Your strength will always make more of an impact than all of our striving…Help us learn the “unforced rhythms of GRACE.” GRACE means that “there is nothing I can do to make You love me any more, and, there is nothing I can do to make You love me any less.” You already love me — totally, completely, sacrificially and unconditionally! Help us to GET REAL with You and with one another.Father, we are desperate for YOU and we are desperate for GRACE.
And, Father, I pray for one more thing…Help us to know it’s OKAY to ask for help! It’s OK to seek counseling, to admit that we’re weak, and to GET VULNERABLE with someone we trust about our loneliness, depression, stress, insecurities and even battles with mental health.
Today, I lift Darrin, his wife and family, friends and church family to YOU… Thank you for the grace that You are so ready to provide in moments like this…I also lift PASTORS and LEADERS to you who may feel weak, lonely, isolated, afraid, worn out and discouraged. Let them know that they matter to YOU and they matter to people… You are with them. You are for them. And You will supply GRACE that is sufficient…Amen. Amen.
IMPORTANT INFO FOR REACHING OUT: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. The Birmingham Anxiety and Trauma Therapy Center can be reached at 205-807-5372 or info@batthelp.com. Reach out today.