In the last post we covered the first “Geronimo!” Principle that comes straight out of the relational life of the New Testament power couple, “Priscilla and Aquilla.” Check out the previous post for the intro and first principle. In this post, we’ll cover the next two principles.
PRINCIPLE #2: Friends BUILD BRIDGES and refuse to create BARRIERS.
“Geronimo!” Let’s jump in!
Priscilla and Aquila give us an incredible picture of what friendship can look like between married people and singles.
Unfortunately, in 2021 there’s a tendency to segregate single and married people. This is especially true in the church. But a vibrant, thriving, Acts 2 biblically functioning community will always have a mix of single and married, young and old, rich and poor people, as well as people of various ethnicities and cultures. Why? Because, according to the Bible we need each other and can learn from each other.
Obviously, there’s an intimacy between married couples that shouldn’t be shared with anyone… It’s just weird and highly inappropriate (most likely even sinful) when married couples share the details of their sexual relationship with their single friends. (Heads up. They don’t want to hear about it… I promise…)
On other hand, if you’re a married couple and don’t have any single friends, you’re building a shallow relational world. Conversely, if you’re single and you don’t have any married friends, your relational world is also going to be really, really shallow and small… Married couples and single individuals still need each other and can provide one another with so much insight, perspective, understanding and wisdom.
Priscilla and Aquila built an amazing friendship with a single man named Paul. Yes, that Paul. Paul the Apostle, the dude who wrote approximately half the books in the New Testament.
Paul was a single guy. They were married. But they built a friendship that spanned almost two decades, and seems to have been a mutually beneficial relationship.
In fact, the friendship was life-saving and life-giving for Paul. We know that because he told us so. We’ve got to believe that the experience was reciprocal for Priscilla and Aquia.
In 1 Corinthians Paul describes his emotional and mental state when he first arrived in Corinth in around AD 52. This was where and when Paul first met this power couple. He writes:
I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. —1 Corinthians 2:3 NIV
The MSG describes it this way:
“…[I] felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it…”
But God brought two married people into his life, who not only welcomed him into their workplace, they also welcomed him into their home and their very lives. This married couple became a safety net and a support system for Paul when he felt weak, anxious, afraid and inadequate. Their friendship would change the trajectory of both their worlds.
These three ended up living together for the next five years. About 18 months in Corinth and about three years in Ephesus.
In terms of Paul’s investment in the lives of Priscilla and Aquila? Can you imagine what it must have been like to have been personally mentored and developed by Paul for five years?
We’re talking five years of intensive Bible study by one of the most important teachers and leaders in the history of Christianity.
You can imagine it, can’t you? After Paul would teach for hours in the synagogue with Priscilla and Aquila either listening or building their tent making business, they would all go back to the home of Priscilla and Aquila, and stay up for hours every evening diving deep into God’s Word, mutually encouraging one another, discussing and answering difficult questions and praying for one another. By the end of those five years, P+A had the equivalent of several MDiv’s or Doctorate’s in theology. They were thoroughly equipped and ready for whatever would happen next.
Paul’s friendship with this married couple was deep. In fact, when Paul wrote the last book he would ever write, just before his execution, he actually gave a “shout out” to this couple by name. That’s the kind of mark they had made on his life. That’s the kind of relationship they shared.
Give my greetings to Priscilla and Aquila and those living in the household of Onesiphorus. —2 Timothy 4:19 NLT
I know… I know… At this point, someone is likely saying, “But, Chris isn’t their potential for sin, impurity or impropriety when married couples develop friendships with single people, especially of the opposite sex?”
Absolutely. The potential for sin, impurity or impropriety is almost always present, but that doesn’t mean we should avoid good, healthy, beneficial relationships because the possibility of sin exists. But we also shouldn’t be naïve and cavalier.
Romans 14:16 cautions us, “…do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil.” In other words, create some safeguards that will help you remain pure in your thought life and beyond reproach in your actions.
Several years ago I ran across three safeguards that I attempt to remember in every interaction between myself and a person of the opposite sex, whether married or single. Hopefully, these tests can help you maintain your purity and live with honor as you interact with members of the opposite sex.
Three Tests For Building Healthy Friendships
With The Opposite Sex
- The SPOUSE Test
Here’s the question I ask: “Am I relating to this person in a way that I would be comfortable with if my spouse were present and watching? “
If I’m keeping secrets from my spouse… If I’ve entered into a level of emotional vulnerability or intimacy with another person that I don’t want my spouse to know about, that’s a warning light indicating that this relationship has headed into the danger zone and getting significantly off track. Pay attention! Back up, Buster!
- The SISTER / SIBLING Test
Here’s the question I ask: “Is this the kind of interaction I would have with my sister [or brother]? Are my feelings, expressions and behavior with this person consistent with the way I would relate to a sister [or brother]?”
If not, that probably ought to sound some alarms.
This test is based upon the challenge Paul gave his young protégé, Timothy:
Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters. —1 Timothy 5:2 NLT
This is so important. The New Testament doesn’t say, “Avoid the opposite sex all together! Keep your distance. Live in isolation!” In fact, there can be a great deal of closeness between brother and sister, or a son and his mother. But the New Testament challenges us to maintain your purity! That’s not optional. It’s essential.
- The SCREEN Test
Here’s the question: “Am I relating to this person in such a way that if someone made a movie of it and placed it on the big screen in front of the church or the people I love the most, I’d be okay with it?”
That’s a sobering question! Because if I wouldn’t be comfortable with my relationship with a member of the opposite sex being broadcast on a giant 4K Screen with THX audio, then there should probably be some warning lights going off in my spirit! If I’m behaving in a way that makes me want to keep that behavior a secret, under wraps or in the dark, I’m likely drifting into dangerous territory.
Jesus said it like this in Luke 12:3.
Whatever you have spoken in private will be public knowledge, and what you have whispered secretly behind closed doors will be broadcast far and wide for all to hear. —Luke 12:3 TPT
Over the last several years, we’ve witnessed major ministries completely shattered, their reputations totally trashed and the cause of Christ significantly damaged because leaders didn’t erect wise safeguards.
Paul once wrote to the Romans, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you” (Rom 2:24).
Purity, holiness, moral beauty and a relational life that is above reproach can be compelling to a watching world. Pursuing that kind of life doesn’t require isolation or cutting yourself off from 31% of the population, but it does require wisdom and safeguard.
A2 Church is a church filled with a healthy number of both married and single adults.
We want to be the kind of church family that honors those who are married. Scripture speaks of the beauty of marriage. We also want to be the kind of community that honors those who are single. Scripture speaks of their value And historically, two of the most important figures in our history were single, both Jesus and Paul!
We can become that kind of church if we live this second “Geronimo!” principle:
PRINCIPLE #2: Friends BUILD BRIDGES and refuse to create BARRIERS.
“Geronimo!” Jump in! Build some bridges today!
PRINCIPLE #3: Friends HONOR DIFFERENCES, CELEBRATE STRENGTHS and SERVE ONE ANOTHER in LOVE.
Here’s what I mean. Priscilla and Aquila give us a great picture of what it can look like for men and women to work together in a mutually healthy, respectful and dynamic way. They give us a picture of what it’s like for a good and godly man (like Aquila) to be married to and work alongside a strong, gifted woman (like Priscilla).
As I’ve already mentioned in the first blog post on this dynamic power couple, they get mentioned six times in four books in the N.T. Scholars are quick to point out that Priscilla’s name appears before Aquilla’s four out of the six times they’re mentioned. This, they say, was highly unusual and uncharacteristic during this time period.
The question they often ask is, “Why?”
One of the things noted by some scholars is that all the women mentioned in the book of Acts are wealthy, with the exception of Mary (the mother of Jesus) and Rhoda (Acts 12:13). This causes some scholars to say that the fact that Priscilla’s name often appears before the name of her husband is an indication that she was a woman with some “means” or held a higher social status than that of her husband.
For instance, maybe she was the brain trust of their successful tent making operation? Maybe she had inherited money? We’re not certain. It’s all speculation but represents a possibility.
Others say that the fact that her name appears first, may hint at the fact that she was the more gifted teacher, speaker or leader of the two? That’s fascinating!
In fact, one article I read indicated that some scholars believe that Priscilla may have actually written the book of Hebrews. That would be huge. We’re not sure… All of this is nothing more than an “educated guess.”
But, here’s what we do know, whether Priscilla’s name appears before Aquilla’s due to her social status, financial means or giftedness, Aquila wasn’t threatened by his wife’s apparent success! In fact, apparently he championed her. He believed in her gifts, talents and abilities. He wasn’t threatened by her giftedness. He didn’t have to be mentioned first. He didn’t have to be most important, lead dog or chief potentate. He wanted to do whatever most effectively positioned he and his wife to share the gospel and make an impact for the kingdom.
It’s unfortunate that some husbands are threatened when their wives are more knowledgeable, capable or gifted than they are, and allow insecurity and fear to cause them to drift into control or intimidation. And, if they don’t do either of those, some husbands retreat and become spiritual dropouts. Neither represent an appropriate response.
On the other hand, some wives seem to live and act as if they’ve got something to prove. They compete with their husband, sometimes veering into manipulation and grasping for control. No wonder their husbands often feel threatened and insecure.
Priscilla and Aquilla avoided both of these extremes. Priscilla didn’t compete with Aquila. She humbly and confidently used her God-given gifts, talents and abilities to honor God and serve the mission. And, Aquila, on the other hand, loved and served his wife, championed her gifts and calling and faithfully led their marriage and home.
They modeled what they must have heard Paul teach about and share.
“…God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows.”
—Galatians 5:13 MSG
The marriage relationship of Priscilla and Aquila was revolutionary and exemplary, especially in the first century. They give us a picture of a couple devoted to one another in life, willing to champion one another’s strengths, shore up one another’s weaknesses and cheer one another on as they each stepped into their calling! This is probably why they made such a huge impact.
This gives us a great opportunity to talk about some important truths regarding men and women and the way we relate to one another.
A Few Thoughts About Men and Women
- Gender roles may influence the way we use our gifts, but they never dictate the gifts available and to whom they are given.
Romans 12 is an important passage that describes the various gifts God has placed in the church.
3 Because of the privilege and authority[a] God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. 4 Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, 5 so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.
—Romans 12:3-5 NLT
Here’s the point, gender roles and differences may influence the way we use our gifts, but in the New Testament it doesn’t appear that they ever dictate the gifts that are available and to whom they are given. (See Martha and Mary in John 11; Luke 10:38-42; Lydia in Acts 16:15, 40; Phil 1:3-5; Phoebe in Rom 16:1; Lois and Eunice in 2 Tim 1:5; Eudia and Syntyche in Phil 4:2-3; other unknown women of “high standing” and “leading women” mentioned in Acts 13:15; 17:4).
- The New Testament celebrates the gifts of both men and women. We see both men and women teaching, leading and making an impact with the gospel in the NT.
- Secure men champion, support and lift women, especially their wife and daughters, as they step into their giftedness and calling. Again, they build bridges and tear down barriers for them.
- Secure women honor their husbands by submitting to their leadership and champions their calling as men. They come alongside them and speak life and honor into them (See Ephesians 5:21-33).
- Men are the strength of God in a relationship. Women are the heart of God. (Thanks for sharing this Ayme Fitz-Gerald.)
1 Corinthians 11 contains an amazing statement regarding the “gender wars” that seem to be so dominant in our world. It gives the church a completely counter cultural way to approach these ideas.
But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. 12 For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.
—1 Corinthians 11:11-12 NLT
The Message gives us even more insight into this matter.
10-12 Don’t, by the way, read too much into the differences here between men and women. Neither man nor woman can go it alone or claim priority. Man was created first, as a beautiful shining reflection of God—that is true. But the head on a woman’s body clearly outshines in beauty the head of her “head,” her husband. The first woman came from man, true—but ever since then, every man comes from a woman! And since virtually everything comes from God anyway, let’s quit going through these “who’s first” routines. —1 Corinthians 11:10-12 MSG
- Men and women honor one another by always walking in purity, holiness and serving one another in love.
Here are two important Scriptures on the subject.
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. —Philippians 2:3-4 NLT
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. —Eph 5:21 NIV
In the next post we’ll talk about the RISK involved in every relationship that enables us to RISE and become all that God has called us to be.