A “bite the bullet” friend is a friend who is willing to endure the pain that accompanies most relationships, because they want you to experience the promise. The friendship of Ruth and Naomi is filled with both pain and promise. The story begins with pain.
In the days when the judges ruled in Israel, a severe famine came upon the land. —Ruth 1:1a NLT
The implication is that this famine was probably a result of the judgment of God.
So a man from Bethlehem in Judah left his home and went to live in the country of Moab, taking his wife and two sons with him. 2 The man’s name was Elimelech, and his wife was Naomi. Their two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in the land of Judah. And when they reached Moab, they settled there. —Ruth 1:1b-2 NLT
It’s ironic that the name Bethlehem means “house of bread.” But there was a severe famine in Bethlehem. In other words, there wasn’t any bread at the Great Harvest Bread Company.
One of the reasons it appears that this famine may have been a result of God’s judgment is the fact that Moab was only 50 miles away. It was in the same geographic vicinity. But, evidently, just 50 miles away the situation seemed to be more hopeful.
In fact, the reports were enticing enough that they got the attention of a guy by the name of Elimelech. His name means, “My God is King.” The guy was an Ephrathite from Bethlehem. That’s another way of saying, “This dude was ‘old money’.” If you live in Birmingham, the dude was from Mountain Brook.
The famine was so severe and Elimelech’s situation was so desperate that he had a decision to make: 1) Stay in Bethlehem, repent, deal with the underlying causes that probably brought the famine on in the first place, and begin to trust God to turn your situation around. Or, 2) look at the economics and employment opportunities in Moab and make a decision to move. Elimelech opted for Option #2.
Here’s the problem with his decision. If the moral climate was bad in Israel — and, it was — it was even worse in Moab. Elimelech’s decision to leave would have serious repercussions that would impact his entire family.
An Important Reminder To Dads and Moms
The decisions we make about where we will live, where we will worship, how we will do life, and how we will trust God in the difficult moments of life, have serious implications, not only for ourselves, but for our families — the people we love.
The trip to Moab was supposed to be temporary. Just long enough to wait out the famine. But the family got there, got comfortable and started to put down roots.
Then, the unexpected happened. According to Verse 3, Elimelech died. “My God is King” died, leaving Naomi to raise two sons on her own.
No explanation is given. We don’t know what happened, but Naomi found herself standing over the grave of her husband. On top of that, she became a widow in a foreign land without the safety net of extended family or a system of developed friendships. For all practical purposes, she was left alone with the huge responsibility of raising two teenage to twenty-something year old sons, and, somehow she did it! In one of the most morally challenging, financially difficult periods in history, this single mother refused to quit, stayed in the fight and raised her boys!
Let’s give it up for single moms and dads!
Parenting is difficult, period. But if you know a single mom or single dad who just keeps doing the right thing, not the easy thing, day in and day out, take a moment out of your day to reach out and shoot them an encouraging text, or maybe even send them a gift certificate to Publix or some cool restaurant. Let them know they matter and what they’re doing matters, too.
Naomi’s boys grew into adult men.
4 The two sons married Moabite women. One married a woman named Orpah, and the other a woman named Ruth. But about ten years later, 5 both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband. —Ruth 1:4-5 NLT
Pain on top of pain. No details are given. Just the headlines are mentioned. Both of Naomi’s sons also died.
Evidently, both of Naomi’s sons struggled with physical challenges throughout their lives. The name Mahlon means “sickness,” and the name Kilion means “failing, dying or wasting away.”
Can I suggest, if you’re going to name your boys, please don’t name them Mahlon and Kilion? Can you imagine it? “Here are my boys: COVID and Swine Flu…”
About ten short years after getting married, both of Naomi’s sons died, leaving three childless widows behind — Naomi, Orpah and Ruth. And, like much of life, the questions of, “Why no children after ten years of marriage?”, and, “Why life keeps playing hard ball with these three women?” never get answered.
Three graves in the span of ten years. A husband and two sons. This was the brutal reality for Naomi. I can’t even begin to fathom this kind of loss and pain.
But in Verse 6, we get our first glimpse of grace.
6 Then Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had blessed his people in Judah by giving them good crops again. So Naomi and her daughters-in-law got ready to leave Moab to return to her homeland. 7 With her two daughters-in-law she set out from the place where she had been living, and they took the road that would lead them back to Judah. —Ruth 1:6-7 NLT
It’s interesting that GOD gets mentioned 23 times in the book of Ruth, but this is one of only two occasions where the author mentions GOD directly (1:6; 4:13). The other 21 references to God occur on the lips of characters in the book.
But in Verse 6, the author mentions GOD as “blessing His people…by giving them good crops.” He’ll mention Him again in 4:13 as “enabling Ruth to become pregnant.”
While Naomi will say some pretty harsh things about God out of the context of her pain, when the author mentions God, He refers to God’s kindness and blessing. Why? Perhaps the author somehow knows what Paul would later write, that it is “the kindness of God that leads to repentance” (Rom 2:4). It’s God’s kindness and grace that leads us to “return.”
Devastated by the loss of her husband and two sons, Naomi determines that she is going to run back to God and God’s people in her hometown because they are experiencing the blessing of God. The Hebrew word, “sub” or “return” or “repent,” shows up in Verse 6. Naomi basically says to herself and her daughters-in-law, “God is blessing and we’ve got to do whatever we can to get back to God!”
8 But on the way, Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back to your mothers’ homes. And may the Lord reward you for your kindness to your husbands and to me. 9 May the Lord bless you with the security of another marriage.” Then she kissed them good-bye, and they all broke down and wept. —Ruth 1:8-9 NLT
In our series of posts on the friendship of Jonathan and David, we looked at this principle:
“There are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for life.”
Evidently, Naomi thought that these two girls were just “friends for a season.” Yes, she loved them. In fact, she viewed them as her own daughters (see vs 12-13). But she didn’t think they would stick and stay.
She loved these girls so much that she went against cultural conventions and her own self-interest, and formally released these two women from any moral, legal or familial responsibility to her. She argued, begged, coerced and did everything possible, but hire a cab to take them back to Moab…[1]
She gave them what she thought to be some practical advice, “Don’t leave Moab. You’re already widows. No need to go through what I’ve been through the last ten years plus and become an immigrant. Snag yourself another husband. Make for yourself a new home and a new life. You’ve been good friends ‘for a season,’ now that season has come to an end.”
In Verses 8-9, Naomi offers the first of several prayers that appear in the book of Ruth (see 1:8-9; 2:12, 20; 3:10; 4:11-12, 14). She asked God to give these girls “the security of another marriage.” She prays that God will reward them for the “kindness” they’ve shown to her.
The word “kind” or “kindness” (v 8) is an important word in the book of Ruth. It’s also a covenant word. It’s the Hebrew word “hesed.” It often gets translated “loving kindness” in the Bible. But it’s a word that describes the totality of God’s nature. Here’s what it means:
hesed: “the consistent, ever-faithful, relentless, constantly-pursuing, lavish, extravagant, unrestrained, furious love of our Father God!”
Naomi indicates that her daughters-in-law have loved her with that kind of love! Wow! Now, she wants both these girls to experience that same kind of love for themselves.
At first, both Orpah and Ruth respond to Naomi by saying, “No, we want to go with you…” (v 10).
11 But Naomi replied, “Why should you go on with me? Can I still give birth to other sons who could grow up to be your husbands? 12 No, my daughters, return to your parents’ homes… 13 …Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.” —Ruth 1:11-13 NLT
In other words, “Girls. Let’s get real. Just because I’m a widow, doesn’t mean you need to remain widows for the rest of your lives. For all intents and purposes, my life is over. But, you still have a future. Go back home…”
Naomi wants to make certain these girls understand the full implications of their decision: no husband, no security, no children, NO HOPE.
It’s very interesting to me that as Naomi verbalizes her loss, it seems to have an impact on her. It’s as if, by verbalizing the truth about the death of her own hopes and dreams, the painful reality of her loss sinks in. Verse 13b is powerful to me in terms of its raw vulnerability.
“Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.” —Ruth 1:13b NLT
Right or not, Naomi attributes everything that has happened in her life to God. She doesn’t know a lot, but she knows — or at least she believes — that, 1) God exists. 2) God is sovereign. And, 3) God “has raised His fist against me.” In other words, at this point in her life, she believed God was against her.
Have you ever felt like that? Ever?
Have you ever shared that with a friend?
Naomi didn’t understand why her life had went so far south. And, by the way, her questions are never answered in the book of Ruth. In so many ways, her story reads like the story of a female Job. But, to her credit, despite all the questions, she continued to seek God by moving in the direction of God’s people (vs 6-7).
Just Start Moving!
Sometimes, one of the most important things we can do, in the face of overwhelming questions and unbearable pain is to begin moving in the direction of God and in the direction of God’s people! We don’t have to have great faith! We don’t have to have all or any of the answers. We just need to move! We must refuse to sit in the mire of self-pity and the loneliness of our despair and do what Naomi did. Make a move — in the direction of God and in the direction of God’s people!
Naomi challenged her daughters-in-law a second time, “Go back to your people…” Verse 14 describes their response.
14 And again they wept together, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye. But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. —Ruth 1:14 NLT
Orpah made the reasonable and rational choice. She left to go back home. Who knows? Maybe she fell in love, remarried, started a new life. We don’t know the outcome of her story…
By the way, she wasn’t being selfish or evil. She was being sensible and practical. Naomi had just praised her character. But Orpah weighed the facts, followed the logical trajectory of where things seem to be headed, kissed her mother-in-law and opted to go back to Moab.
Ruth, on the other hand, wasn’t so practical. In fact, she was radical! While her sister-in-law did the sensible thing and walked and went back, Ruth wrapped her arms around her mother-in-law and refused to let go.
14 …But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi. 15 “Look,” Naomi said to her, “your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.” —Ruth 1:14-15 NLT
Did you notice that Naomi described Orpah’s actions in theological terms?
“Look, your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods, you should do the same.”
In my mind, those words may have been the game-changer for Ruth? They may have been what clenched the deal for this girl? They may have clarified everything for her.
When Naomi said, “…your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods. You should do the same.” Perhaps, in that moment, Ruth realized, “Wait just a minute! This isn’t just a decision about geography, family, loyalty or future. Ultimately, this is a decision about GOD.”
In that moment, Ruth decided to take a giant leap of faith and place her faith, her entire life, future, plans and dreams in the hands of GOD.
In Ruth’s mind, these were the alternatives:
GOD plus nothing in Bethlehem.
or
Everything minus GOD in Moab.
Ruth weighed the options and thought, “It’s not even close! I would rather have GOD… Naomi, now that you put it like that, you’re stuck! I’m going with God. I’m sticking with you. You’re stuck with me.”
Ruth doesn’t say a lot in the very short book of Ruth, but when this girl does say something, it’s something worth saying. Because Ruth 1:16-18 contains one of the most famous statements, not only in the Bible, but in all literature. It’s a statement about covenant friendship.
16 But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” —Ruth 1:16-17 NLT
Wow! Wow! Wow! Read that again. It’s profound in its beauty and simplicity.
There’s so much to unpack in Ruth’s statement.
First up, Ruth’s statement wasn’t only a statement about friendship and loyalty. It was also a statement of faith.
The phrase “turn back” in Verse 16 is the Hebrew word again, “sub,” the main OT word for turning back to God’s covenant grace and mercy.
When Ruth says, “I won’t turn back…” she was using covenant language. She was letting us know that, at some point, she had become a believer. She had placed her life, future, and her everything in the hands of God.
She was basically saying to Naomi, “Go back? Go back? Are you kidding me? I can’t go back. I won’t go back. It’s not even an option. Jehovah, the one true God, has changed my life. How could you ever ask me to do another 180 and turn away from Him again. I won’t. I can’t.”
Ruth’s statement was a statement of faith.
Second, it was a statement about fidelity and loyalty. Did you notice that Ruth brought God into her commitment to her friend? She asked God to judge her if she was ever unfaithful. She was basically making a covenant with Naomi.
This girl took friendship seriously. We desperately need to get back to being the kinds of people who take our friendships seriously. Ruth’s decision was guided by her faith and formed by fidelity. It changed, not only her life, but actually altered the course of Israel’s history.
This is so important. The decisions we are making may not alter the course of history, but they do affect the history and destiny of the people we are closest to.
18 When Naomi saw that Ruth was determined to go with her, she said nothing more. —Ruth 1:18 NLT
I love that. Ruth “was determined to go.” Naomi saw it. Any additional words were just wasted air. Home girl’s mind was made up!
Are your relationships characterized by that same kind of fierce determination?
Relationships have become so throwaway. But the people who build a rich relational world are people who are willing to “bite the bullet.” People who are “determined to go with [you].”
People who live the creed of Ruth:
“Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried…”
Ruth 1 describes a small group of two widows. Just two! Naomi and Ruth.
These ladies understood:
“This world is really scary and big, but our little group is safe and small.”
God will use “small” — this small group of two widows — to do something bigger than either of them dreamed possible.
When it comes to living in community, to building a covenant relationship, all you really need is two! A group of two can change everything! A friendship with someone who will “bite the bullet” for you, and who you will “bite the bullet” for is transformational.
Ruth and Naomi made the journey back to Bethlehem.
The loss that Naomi had experienced was so devastating that it affected her physical appearance. When the people in Bethlehem saw her, after at least a ten year absence, their first response wasn’t, “Why Naomi, you haven’t changed at all…” Ruth 1:19 describes their first response.
19 So the two of them continued on their journey. When they came to Bethlehem, the entire town was excited by their arrival. “Is it really Naomi?” the women asked. —Ruth 1:19 NLT
The people in Bethlehem who had known Naomi before she left, actually had trouble believing it was her. Why? Because there wasn’t a make-up artist or hair stylist on the planet who could hide the dark circles under her eyes, the wrinkles that time and pain had etched into her face, or, the gray hairs put there by standing over the graves of a husband and two sons.
So, when they saw her for the first time, their common response was, “Is it really, Naomi?”
And, the moment they said her name something in her exploded. Evidently, she had been keeping all of this pent up. But when the people in Bethlehem saw this woman who had gone from being an affluent woman to becoming a devastated, broken and increasingly bitter old “hag,” the moment they said her name, she let loose.
20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?” —Ruth 1:20-21 NLT
In Naomi’s mind, not only was she unrecognizable to her old friends, she didn’t even recognize herself.
“Don’t call me Naomi.”
The name Naomi means “pleasant, sweet or lovely.”
“Call me Mara…”
The name Mara means, “bitter.”
Naomi was brutally honest about where she was spiritually and emotionally. She was bitter. And, she expressed it.
21 “I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?” —Ruth 1:19-21 NLT
Naomi basically said, “I’m a shell of the woman I used to be. I don’t even recognize myself… Oh, and you should know, I believe it’s God’s fault. He did this to me. I went away full. He brought me home empty.”
A few thoughts about Naomi’s statement in Verse 21.
First of all, some of you may have never realized that you can be that real, raw, vulnerable, authentic and honest with God. But, you can!
In fact, God would rather have the “real” you than an inauthentic, fake and phony you.
David described it like this in Psalm 145:18.
The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth. —Psalm 145:18 NLT
The book of psalms is filled with the real, raw, heartfelt expressions of people who vented their pain vertically to God. Their faith wasn’t perfect. But it was authentic. And, God made sure those authentic expressions got included in the Bible, so we would know and understand that we can be real with God about our pain.
Second, the “full” Naomi references in 1:21 wasn’t her bank account, retirement portfolio, real estate investments or food stash. The famine blew all that stuff away. The “full” was family. It was her relational world. She had a husband and two sons when she left Bethlehem! Now, in her mind, she was “empty.”
This is so important to remember. You can have a phat bank account, live in a fancy home, drive the cool car and eat at the best restaurants and still be empty. On the other hand, you can have none of that, and still be full.
On some level, Naomi now understands what full really means.
But on another level, she’s still missing it. Somehow, at this point in her life, Naomi was so overwhelmed with and devastated by grief that she looked right past and right through the gift of the “faithful friend” she had in Ruth.
Did she really come back empty?
Didn’t Ruth matter at all?
On top of that, she probably made that statement in the presence of Ruth? How did that statement make Ruth feel?
We’re not certain, but we do know that this faithful friend (Ruth) allowed Naomi breathing room to process her pain.
And, what Naomi will eventually discover is that “empty” sometimes means there’s just more room for God to fill.
Ruth 1 ends with Verse 22.
22 So Naomi returned from Moab, accompanied by her daughter-in-law Ruth, the young Moabite woman. They arrived in Bethlehem in late spring, at the beginning of the barley harvest. —Ruth 1:22 NLT
Don’t forget, Ruth 1 began with a famine! But when Naomi and Ruth make a decision to “return” to Bethlehem… When they make up their minds to go back to the “house of bread,” the writer wants us to understand, that Naomi may have left during a famine… She may feel as if she came back home completely empty… But what she may be unaware of, is that she was coming back at the beginning of harvest.
In other words, the author of the book is tipping his hand. He’s letting us know that things are about to change for Naomi and Ruth. It’s the beginning of harvest! God is about to take this “empty” woman and fill her back up!
Maybe you feel completely empty today?
Remember: sometimes empty isn’t a bad place to be,
Because empty simply means there’s more room in me for God to fill!
Like Naomi, today you can be honest with your pain.
Go ahead. Right now. Vent it vertically to God. Let Him know how you really feel. Not how you’re supposed to feel, but how you really feel.
Next, maybe today you also need to take an honest assessment of your relational world. Do you have a friend who will “bite the bullet” for you? Maybe you have more than you’re taking into consideration.
While the impact of the loss of a husband and two sons can’t be underestimated, the gift of such a faithful friend like Ruth should not have been overlooked by Naomi, either.
What friends do you have that you may be overlooking? Reach out to them today.
Tomorrow, I’ll begin sharing FIVE “BITE THE BULLET” PRINCIPLES from the friendship of Ruth and Naomi that God used to transform them both.
[1] Carolyn Curtis James, The Gospel of Ruth, page 44.