2. The second essential of GOT YOUR SIX FRIENDSHIPS is AUTHENTICITY + ACCEPTANCE – the mutual ability to be authentic and genuine with one another knowing that you are unconditionally loved and accepted, regardless!
Relationships initially develop based on what we see of an individual from a distance, NOT up close. But, when you really get to know someone and move beyond a “surface level” type relationship, one of the first things you’ll notice about them are their weaknesses and flaws.
This is where some relationships break down and come to a premature end. For some reason, some people can’t accept the fact that their potential friend is as human, messed-up and prone to mistakes, failures and idiosyncrasies as they are. So they check out of the relationship.
Lasting friendships, on the other hand, are based on unconditional acceptance that paves the way for growing levels of authenticity.
While AFFINITY is the starting point for friendships, ACCEPTANCE and AUTHENTICITY create the atmosphere in which those friendships thrive and grow. They’re like oxygen to a relationship.
Unconditional acceptance and growing levels of authenticity played such a huge role in the friendship of Jonathan and David.
We see this quality in 1 Samuel 20:4. At this point, it’s early on in their friendship. Saul has now turned on David. He’s blinded by jealousy and has placed a bounty on David’s head. David has already ducked Saul’s spear more than once. By David’s own admission, the pressure from Saul has intensified to such a great extent that “…there is only a step between me and death” (1 Samuel 20:3).
The friendship of David and Jonathan’s is being tested to the core. It’s at this point that Jonathan and David meet for another “DTR” and Jon responds with the ingredient that is so essential for developing “got your six” kinds of friends.
Then Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.” —1 Samuel 20:4 ESV
I love the word, “Whatever…” Can you imagine this conversation? Jonathan’s voice is probably filled with emotion. He reaches out and gives David this manly bear hug and says, “Whatever you say, I will do for you…”
In other words, there are no limits or boundaries on this friendship. This is a “whatever you say” kind of relationship.
Through this act, Jonathan was saying, “David, I accept you as you are. You’re okay with me. Our friendship is a safe place for you to be. Whatever you need, that’s what I will do.. Whatever you lack. Whatever you’ve been through. Whatever you’re going through. Whatever you say. Whatever you do. Whatever you don’t do. Whatever… I’m here for you! You can count on me. You can be real with me! You can be you with me. I accept you just as you are!!!”
Acceptance is essential for growing and thriving marriages.
It’s indispensable for dynamic parent, child relationships.
It’s crucial for life-long friendships.
It can make or break a church!
In fact, this is why one of the values that marks A2 Church is,
“People are our priority. People matter to God and they ought to matter to us. We love and accept people unconditionally, right where they are, no strings attached.”
A2 Church is a “come as you are” kind of church!
Regardless of what you did last night, you can come as you are!
Regardless of your past baggage, you can come as you are!
Regardless of your doubts, you can come as you are!
Regardless of your confusion regarding your sexual identity, you can come as you are!
That not only includes “coming as you are” on Sundays. We want to it to characterize every environment and interaction a person has at A2!
Why?
Because…
Conditional acceptance destroys people.
It wrecks relationships, it breaks hearts, dismantles families and shatters trust. People need to know that we accept them, regardless!
UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE is part of the message of the Good News! It’s one of the chief characteristics in the way God relates to us.
GOD LOVES and ACCEPTS US, UNCONDITIONALLY. (See Romans 5:8; 1 Cor 13:4-7; 1 Pet 4:8; Jn 3:16; 1 Jn 3:16; Rom 8:32-38)
That really is good news!
On the surface, David and Jonathan couldn’t have been more different. Jonathan was the “Crown Prince of Israel.” He smelled like royalty. David was just a “rancher’s boy” from North Judah. He smelled like sheep. Jonathan was known. David was unknown and forgotten, even by his own Dad (1 Sam 16). But Jonathan accepted David for who and what he was!
It’s important to point out…
ACCEPTANCE isn’t synonymous with APPROVAL.
Our culture has bought the lie that if we disagree on something, we can’t be friends. In fact, we should probably hate each other. We’ve bought the lie that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe and everything they do.
What’s amazing is that we know this isn’t true!
How?
Kids! I’ve got three kids, and there have been several moments and periods in their lives when I deeply loved them, but I didn’t agree with them, at all.
Acceptance isn’t synonymous with approval.
Here’s the best description of acceptance I’ve read in 30+ years.
“Acceptance means you are valuable just as you are. It allows you to be the real you. You are not forced into someone else’s idea of who you are. It means that your ideas are taken seriously since they reflect you. You can talk about how you feel inside, why you feel that way, and someone really cares.” —Gladys M. Hunt – Eternity Magazine, October 1969
“Got Your Six” relationships are impossible without a commitment to unconditional acceptance and growing levels of authenticity. Jonathan and David provided that for one another.
If you want to transform, grow and nurture any relationship create an atmosphere that welcomes both. The Bible says that loving people like that actually brings glory to God!
Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. —Romans 15:7 NLT
Take a moment to rate your relationships when it comes to unconditional acceptance and growing levels of authenticity on a scale of 1 – 10, but you can’t use 7.
If you’re 8 or above, celebrate… If you’re 6 or below, you’ve got a lot of room to grow…
Tomorrow we’ll be back with the third essential for GOT YOUR SIX friendships.